Narrator: The day turns to evening. Bilbo Baggins sits in his home in Bag End. A wonderful night indeed, ready for a meal, he prepares. Yet unbeknown to him, there is about to be an unexpected party.

THE DWARVES ARRIVE

Dwalin: A loud knock sounds at the door of the hobbit home.

Bilbo was just getting ready to sit down to tea and the most lovely cake, when he hears someone at his front door. “GANDALF!”, he says, suddenly remembering the invitation the day before. He had failed to make a note of it in his Planning Calendar and completely forgot, hoping Gandalf would as well. Being a well-mannered hobbit, he rushes to put out another teacup and piece of cake before opening the door to apologize for keeping the wizard waiting. But it was not Gandalf at the door…It was a Dwarf!

Dwalin: "Is this the place?"

Bilbo: "The place?" he asks sounding a bit confused.

Dwalin: "Name's Dwalin. Is this the place and where are the others?"

Bilbo: "I'm sorry I was expecting someone for tea. Can I help you?"

Dwalin: "Help me? Do you have any food?"

Bilbo hears the word "food" and thinks the Dwarf may be a beggar looking for handouts.

Bilbo: "I’m sorry my dear fellow, but you must have the wrong place, I am waiting for a ‘Mr. Gandalf’ to arrive for tea."

Always the well mannered hobbit, Bilbo is a bit confused but polite, and does not wish to send any visitor to his home away empty handed. He directs the Dwarf to the tea and cakes he has set out, which is about all one can do when an uninvited Dwarf shows up at you doorstep. He planned to politely inquire as to his purpose, but the front door bell rang!

“That must be Gandalf now!” Bilbo said, only to open the door to another dwarf.

"Good evening. Balin. At your service." bows

“Bilbo Baggins at yours.” Came a quick reply followed by, “Now see here…”, but as soon as the Dwarf saw the familiar cloak of his brother dwarf hanging on the hall tree, he placed his own nearby and rushed to find him. Bilbo followed right behind to have words with the Dwarves, and found them rummaging his pantry for something more to eat after consuming the seed cakes.

Dwalin: "Brother!"

Balin: "Hey, brother!"

Bilbo: “I’m sorry,” he said, “but this is all highly irregular.”

Both dwarves stop briefly to respond to Bilbo. “Apology accepted.” before they return to consuming the cakes he set out.

Narrator: Bilbo Baggins seems over whelmed, at the presence of Dwarves arriving.

Bilbo was taken aback by the answer, and was about to protest more sternly, when the doorbell rang again! “Now I will have words with Gandalf, wizard or not!”, believing proper protocol for tea parties had been breached by Gandalf when he extended Bilbo’s invitation to his own guests!

Dwalin: "Grand to see you. Come along. The Hobbit said there is food in the kitchen."

Balin: "Ah, excellent! Lead the way, brother."

Narrator: Then when things seemed calm for a moment , and all the strange arrivals paused, there came another ring at the door.

Bilbo: "Another dwarf no doubt!” But when Bilbo opens the door it is not ONE dwarf, but THREE!

Gloin: "Gloin at your service." He bows. "Oh and my companions Kili and Fili"

Fili: "Fili at your service." Walks in the door.

Kili: “Kili at your service.” bows, then steps inside dropping his weapons in Bilbos' arms...proceeds to scrape his feet on the chest.

“Bilbo Baggins at yours,” cradling the weapons in his arms.

He wanted to chastise the dwarf for using his furniture as a door-scraper, but didn’t wish to provoke anyone carrying sharp weapons, placing them in the barrel with his walking sticks for safe keeping.

Kili: "Is it this way?" looking around. Then heads further into the hobbit hole…"Ahh Master Dwalin!"

Bilbo offered the dwarves tea, but they asked for ale instead. His most hospitable self got the better of him, and couldn’t blame the Dwarves for Gandalf's breach of tea party protocol, and directed them to his barrels of ale, mead and wine. Not that they needed permission, as each was already on their way to filling their mugs and bellies with whatever they could find in Bilbo’s pantry and larder.

Dwalin: "Kili, Fili, it's good to see you".

Gloin: "Well there seem to be a party here! Brothers! It is good to see you!." He notices the Hobbit and bows in respect then pushed to the kitchen!

Bilbo went to join them to sort out the miscommunication, but had to turnaround abruptly when he heard another ring of his doorbell.

Bilbo: "This time, it must be Gandalf!" But it wasn’t, and opened to see yet another dwarf. “

Bofur: "Oh you must be Mr. Baggins. Nice of you to have us. I'm Bofur at your service."

Bilbo: “Bilbo Baggins at yours,” then watched the Dwarf traipse off down the hallway following the sounds of other Dwarves looking for more to eat.

Bofur: "How there Lads. Save some for me!"

Gloin: "Lads there is a pantry full of food in this other room."

Bofur: "Ho Lads! The food's in here!" Bofur calls out at the top of his voice.

Bilbo: "Where is Gandalf? I wish words with him!” he said out loud to no one in particular. He tried to remember the names of the dwarves he had greeted to address them properly, counting them off on his fingers. “Dwali and Bali?...Touchy and Feely?... Groin or Boing...and Boffo?” He just couldn’t be sure, and was about to ask each their name before he heard ‘ding dong, ding dong’ again at his door. This time it was the wizard!

Bilbo: “Gandalf!” he signed after opening the door. Then he pointed several times down the hall with a look of desperation. “Do you hear that noise? My house is being overrun by dwarves!” Expecting a reply came to explain it. But Gandalf just smiled as if there was noting for Bilbo to get excited about.

Gandalf: Gandalf enters Bilbo's home "OH good! I see they have arrived for tea. I hope you are well Bilbo." Slamming his head on the overhead light.

Bilbo would have given him a piece of his mind right then and there if the sounds of Dwarves pillaging his pantry didn’t warrant his immediate attention, saying only…

“And please don’t say you are ‘AT MY SERVICE’...HMMM? No one has been at MY service YET! But they all expect me to be AT THEIRS!” Before stomping off to meet the Dwarves requests for various dishes and drinks mumbling..: “Seems they know as much about the inside of my larders as I do myself!” shaking his head as Gandalf followed him to the Dining Hall.

Bofur: "Well this is a merry gathering!" Bofur was in an excellent mood.

Bilbo: “Those are NOT napkins, they are hand embroidered doilies for the furniture!” he informed the dwarf wiping his hands clean with one.

Gloin: "Aye let's see what food we can muster together. I AM STARVED!"

“Put that back... Put that back” Bilbo uttered pointing to a steady stream of food leaving the Pantry.

Dwalin grunted his agreement while stuffing Cheese into his mouth.

“Not that cheese, it’s not fully aged yet!” Bilbo advised.

Kili reaches for a mug, plucking a piece of bread off the table.

“Please don’t tear the bread with your hands. Use a cutting board and knife!” Bilbo requested.

Balin acquires a plate of cheese, bread, sausage, and chicken and brings it with his ale to the table.

“Please be careful with the serving dishes!” Bilbo pleaded. "They were my mothers!"

They all paid Bilbo no mind, as if he was simply the hired help; leaving him to watch helplessly as the Dwarves sampled anything and everything in his pantry and making him painfully aware his supplies could run out leaving his cupboards bare with nothing left for him. But before he could set aside something for himself, there was another ring of his doorbell! This time it was a dwarf with a large axe head protruding from his forehead!

Bifur: (Dwarven): dûnost akh rak frekk feldûnost barzulegur borith sartosvrenht athrid (Baggins Lad! At your service! Now where is the food?)

Bilbo could not understand a word the dwarf said, but made a reasonable guess it was ‘At your service’.

Bilbo bowed quickly and returned to accommodating the requests from the Dwarves for food and drink. The dwarf with the axe in his forehead followed him everywhere he went, spouting gibberish he did not understand, leading Bilbo to burst forth like a pent up steam kettle.

“Confusticate and be bother you dwarves! Don’t follow me around or shout orders at me if you are not going to lend a hand!” to which the dwarf with the axe in his head responded immediately and with great enthusiasm, even though Bilbo did not know it.

Bifur (Dwarven): “tronjheim mensagh thorv frekk rast darm dûrgrimstvren mithrim brâgha oc fild sartos ghastgar aruna edaris gedthrall erôth Warrev dûrgrimst ebardac” (YOU HEARD THE LITTLE FOLLOW, LEND US YOUR HANDS BROTHERS, OR WE WILL NEVER HAVE SUPPER AT THIS RATE!)

Gloin: "aye Bifur."

A FEAST BEGINS

Bilbo watches as the dwarves all begin to take everything out of his pantry and larders, plate racks and silverware drawers, with amazing speed and coordination, turning his home topsy turvy, moving furniture and pulling chairs from other rooms to accommodate 13 dwarves and Gandalf in his dining room, leaving Bilbo to rush around trying to make sure none of his possessions were damaged…

When the commotion is over, the dwarves were all sitting down to a grand feast to eat Bilbo out of hobbit hole and home! Bilbo tries to get Gandalf’s attention as to why all these dwarves were in his house but Gandalf stays in the corner of the dining room making a head count of the dwarves seated at the tables.

Gandalf: Fili, Kili, Óin, Glóin, Balin, Dwalin, Ori, Dori, Nori, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur

Narrator: So many Dwarves in Bilbo's home. What has Hobbiton come to? Then before Bilbo could even full grasp the situation, and other ring was heard at the door.

A thunderous knock sounded and outside a hooded figure waited.

Gandalf: "we are missing...oh I think you have one more at the door"

Gandalf: "HE IS HERE"

Bilbo jumps to answer the door and finds the most distinguished looking Dwarf he has seen yet. He was to soon find out his name; 'Thorin Oakenshield', the Dwarves esteemed leader, whom he instinctively bowed low to offering his service before the dwarf offered any to him.

Bilbo: “Bilbo Baggins at your service.”

Thorin: "Thorin. I am expected."

Bilbo: "Welcome, I am sure, and no doubt, to Mr. Gandalf’s tea party. where it would seem I am but his humble host.” He said with surprising civility. “They are in the dining room if you care to join them.” wishing to add ‘tearing up my house!’ but thought the better of it.

Thorin: "Lead on then, Mr. Baggins."

Narrator: Thorin enters the room and the Dwarves get silent.

"Greetings kinsmen." Thorin says in a regal voice. "I am pleased you have come."

Kili: Master Thorin greets his Mothers' brother, taking another bite of bread, reaching over Fili to grab a chuck of cheese, nods hearing the mention of food"

Fili is elbowing Kili in the ribs for reaching across his mead like that. ~ Balin smiles, catches Thorin's eye, and nods in greeting.

Gloin stands before Thorin."It is good to see you. I am glad you were able to find the place"

Dwalin looked up to meet Thorin's eyes and nodded to him in deepest respect. ~ Bofur stopped jabbering and grew silent, and motions to Kili and Fili to stop their nonsense as their uncle had arrived. Fili straitens up looking up to Thorin. ~ Kili makes a face at Fili, hearing Bofur.

Gloin: "Thorin, let us feast! This is a great day with our kin!"

Thorin: "By all means. Don't stop the merriment on my account." He sits down and helps himself to food and ale.

Gloin: "Hey pass me that sausage!"

Kili tosses the sausage to Gloin ~ Fili passes the sausage to Gloin.

Kili: chugs back the mead then lets out a BEELLLCCHHH

Gloin: "What is a dolly? Some kinder Hobbit toy?"

Bilbo rolls his eyes repeating under his breath 'it's doilie not dolly!" , while continuing to stare at his empty pantry. He couldn't watch the dwarves eat, as they displayed the most uncouth table manners he had ever seen, more like barnyard animals than considerate guests, spilling their drinks, throwing food, and being so loud as to wake his Hobbiton neighbors. Goodness knows how he would explain all the noise, let alone clean up the mess!”

Bifur (Dwarven): “sartosvrenht formv barzulegur formv derûndân menotho rast gaml formv” (Baggins this is almost as good as my mums!)

Gloin: Looks at kili. "HERE LAD CATCH" and tosses some food."

Kili: Reaches past Master Dwalin grabbing a handful of cut meats...and cheese with his hands...swiftly lifts his hand to catch the tossed food...bellows out laughter

Bilbo sat on a small stool in the corner near the dining table looking positively flummoxed. All he wanted to do was collect his wits. Meanwhile he listened as the dwarves made merry, drinking his ale, and mead and wine, eating his food, and talking loudly of mines and gold, troubles with goblins, or dragons, all of which sounded way too adventurous for him.

“GANDALF!” Bilbo muttered to himself through clenched teeth, convinced the wizard had brought the most wretched adventure to his doorstep whether he liked it or not! But to say so now, to 13 dwarves with weapons at hand, and a wily wizard, would be ill advised.

Bilbo tries to gets Gandalf’s attention, “Mr Gandalf, a word please if you will”, but gets not so much as a nod.

Gloin tosses food Bifurs way. ~ Dwalin chuckled heartily.~ Fili catches the food that Gloin thrown at his brother just before it hit his face.

Fili: "Can't let that pretty mug of yers get hurt can we?"

Bifur (Dwarven): “ascud azt sweld ragni beor Warrev narho akh beor jok ingeitum fanghur” (Gloin! Yes brother! Reading my thoughts again, needing some more of that brother!)

Oin me adjusts his ear trumpet. Kili pours liquid in Master Oin's horn..smirks at Fili.

Bofur Throws a sausage to Oin with a "Catch it old man!" at the top of his voice.

Oin gets a splash in his ear and jerks in his chair! "I heard THAT alright!!"

Gloin laughes out loud and robust. ~ Bifur bites into the meat savoring it slowly listening to all then guzzles down some mead. ~ Kili bangs the table...as he takes another chug of ale. ~ Thorin smirks and chuckles at the fun, finding it amusing. He continues to eat.

Gloin: "CHEERS TO OUR KIN AND HOST. DRINK LADS DRINK!"

Bifur (Dwarven): “rast carkna nagra barzulegur beogh rak rast ascudgamln otho ascudgamln rast helzvog brâgha dome” (Brothers we need to do this more often! I say weekly we gather here!)

Balin raises his tankard. ~ Oin tries to keep up but it is hard to hear with so many voices at once talking. He puts down the ear trumpet to better eat and drink with both hands for a moment. ~ Thorin raises his vessel to join in.

Bilbo: “I would appreciate if you would not lean back in that chair, it was my father’s favorite and quite brittle!” Bilbo insists, falling on the deaf ear of Oin who conveys the message to the others. "He says he would like to share his father's favorite peanut brittle! Now there's a good lad!"

Bilbo hides his head in his hands. ~ Kili picks up some cheese and tosses it.."Catch Balin". ~ Oin sees his brethren raising their mugs and follows suit saying, a bit too loudly "CHEERS!!"

Bofur: "Aye to all of us and to Mr. Bilbo!"

Balin nonchalantly catches the cheese and proceeds to eat it.

Bilbo: "Do you wish a cheese knife, its very crumbly."

Kili: “He eats it by the block.”

Balin savors the cheese and winks at Kili.

Bifur (Dwarven): ”gaml vargrimst edaris narho rast” (Fussy little fellow isn't he?)

Gandalf becomes amused with the dwarves.

Dwalin raises his tankard to join in the toast, the downs half of it in one swallow, letting it spill into his beard without any concern.

Bilbo: “Please be careful to not spill ale on the floor, I just waxed it!” Bilbo interjects.

Bifur (Dwarven): “derûndân gedthrall ! astim” (More mead! More meat!)

Gandalf laughs out loud then get's quiet. ~ Oin eats and drinks with both hands, catching the food that flies in front of him and laughing a deep hearty laugh! He then belches from deep in his gut and grins around the table

Bifur (Dwarven): “fild tronjheim thorv ghastgar athrid darm” (This is good, i want some more!)

Gandalf: "I couldn't have said it better Bifur."

Bifur nods to Gandalf agreeing.

Gloin: "This is good food the Hobbit has! I may need to vacation here some times"

Bifur reaches across the table for a few apples. ~ Bilbo appears positively flummoxed and wished he had put some of his stores aside in the cellar for himself. ~ A huge belch resounds from Dwalin in a deep vibrating bass.

Kili: returns the belch as if in answer

Gloin: "yeah call that a belch!"

Balin: laughs aloud and drinks deep of his ale.

"Braaap!" Bofur lets rip and laughs till his eyes water.

Kili bangs on the table, mouthful of food

Gloin: "that thar was a belch!"

Balin lets loose with his own belch, tries to better his brother, unsuccessfully.

Oin places his trumpet to his ear again in time to hear the belching start. He chuckles and reaches deep in his gut to produce one to match the others. "BUUURRRPP!"

Bilbo covers his ears to a sound so loud, it shakes the rafters of his hobbit home!

Kili: YEAH!!!

Gloin laughs hard. ~ Bifur laughs and as he does a huge belch escapes his throat “burrrrrrrppp” laughs as the belch escapes his throat unexpectedly.

Thorin laughs in a reserved volume. He releases stomach gas more quietly, but enjoys the fun of the contest. "I think Oin might have won." he says.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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MORE ABOUT THE DWARVES